If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
