I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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