My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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