I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
