well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
