I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
