everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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