Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
