Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize