Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
FUCK WHALES
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
