SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize