Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
