my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
