did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
