dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
