Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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