Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
