Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i came on her dog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
