Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
