Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think I just sharted jello shots
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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