PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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