Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
