oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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