Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
