I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
