Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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