I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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