Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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