i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize