I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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