please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He better not be in your backpack
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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