The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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