if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
