4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
