the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He felt like a one man threesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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