i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
