Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
