i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
