One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize