careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I only lived at night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
