is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
