i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
