So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
