Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
