dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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