you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
