My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
