Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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