yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
sex in a hospital.. check
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
