I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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