Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
