Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
