he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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