are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
