Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize