there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize