After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
