Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
