Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
