Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
