Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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