Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
