Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
