You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
