I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
