i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
