Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
