I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
where does the pee come out of this thing
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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