Have you finally orgasmed yet?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
