Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
